avoiding you is just the easy way out. You will now be frozen in a point of time where you either captulate to them, or fight them, fight for the imploding relationship, and either continue these cycles or you can understand the illness and do work on you.
its a very challenging place to be. We all get it. Its quicksand and no you cant fix or heal them. Its a chonic illness. Its a personality disorder that is self destructive. Its a cluster of symptoms , behaviours and traits. It is difficult to fathom why a grown adult is chosing to avoid you and become cold, emotionally distant. No they arent interested in the relationship because all npd relationships have an expirey date and shelf life. Its not going to get better.
just know your seeing the true colors of this person. If this person is narcissistic or has high traits of narcissism then im sure you have come to realize things in oz now are changing , only your brain is starting to connect the dots. Too many little things are popping up. Dont ignore it or try to bargain or fix. Accept your narc is driving the bus and you have to start taking care of you.
What are the most extreme examples of hypocrisy?
im
porn, dating cites, affairs, even escort services , all sorts of nastiness hidden from you.
sure your love life, romance, cuddling, being intimate has shifted as well
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Ild say avoidance is just the tip of the ice berg. Im sure more has been going on that is off but at this point, like i said its time to start researching personality disorders and cluster b.
besides being devalued sadly you are feeling the shift and im
every narc relationship can only function in its dysfunction of power and control. Without the power and control imbalance they become bored, irritated, spiteful , angry, and do all sorts of mind games. When you are devalued the narc has to figure out now do they turf you physically or just emotionally. They may stay in the relationship to play, they may stay because they have something they can still exploit and use. Many make it so hard you leave or they will eventually ghost or discard you
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
Now add to that maladadaptive coping skills and up to this point they have learned how to live in an insulated bubble of grandiosity , entitlement and self centeredness. Hence why they act like petulant children and take a torch to their life and yours.
your job is to study this because knowledge is going to be what will help make things clear. Dr ramani is the top expert with fantastic videos , podcasts and books. Her youtube videos are free.
your most likely going to recieve the silent treatment and moments of total avoidance. Its actually not only avoidance but more specifically control.
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not only are narcissists lazy (they want you to do all the work in the relationship), but they love to avoid and basically can be very cowardly, passive aggressive or just flat out antagonistic.
the avoidance is part n parcel
the name of the game is to be in control, hide their shame and brokenness, they dont want you to know they snapped in early childhood due to parental abuse neglect, abandonment , genetics, environment etc. So from there , going forward you are dealing with a emotionally stunted toddler who basically has no idea how to adult.
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Avoid is the key word.
Im very sorry your experiencing this. Your not alone. Ild suggest singles therapy/councelling really helps.
The narc once saw you as perfect, secured, love bombed you , groomed you, and due to their illness they cannot maintain or sustain healthy and reciprocal relationships.
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very sorry, from idealized to devalue. Most likely off chasing and securing new supply. Check their phone, lap top, ipad and your most likely going to find what we all did.
